Thanks
Bonnie and I want to send out a huge thank you to everybody that has posted, prayed, emailed, given, and loved us. We have been overwhelmed by how deeply we have been loved. In the darkest parts of this experience your compassion has kept us from the pit. A special thanks needs to go out to the people who created this blog. They have brought us here and we have found comfort in this place.
Me and God
The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I don’t care too much about what happened to me but I am broken over Alex. His family lost their son and brother. He was a completely unique individual unconcerned by the swaying fancies of time and place. He was the kind of student that you thought you would like to be like when you grew up. Or at least that you wished you had been at his age. And I have struggled with what God has done. I have doubted and questioned and raged. It doesn’t seem as if it could be right. Nothing about it was right. He died of a lightning strike on a sunny day under a blue sky. Only one lightning strike was recorded in Spartanburg County the day Alex died. He wasn’t even supposed to be at practice that day. He had a doctor’s appointment that was canceled and instead of skipping out he came to practice. I can’t get my mind around how this could have happened. There is no human to blame and I cannot see God’s purpose in this act. People have tried to comfort me by offering possible reasons for this act but Alex is still gone and his family will still hurt and we may never know what God was doing or why.
This is where I have been for the last two weeks. Until today I have not touched my Bible or prayed since Alex died. I didn’t think I could. I have been lost and confused. But God has been patient with me and has brought his word to my mind. In the two weeks since Alex’s death three passages have come to me in various ways to rebuke and comfort me. The first was given in the sermon at Alex’s funeral. It is quoted in an early blog entry but I will include it here as well.
John 11:21-27
Martha said to Jesus, “Lord if you had been here, my brother, Lazarus, would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world.”
The second occurred to me during a group prayer meeting.
Luke 22:41
And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, “Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.” And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
Christ submitted to the indignity, physical agony, and spiritual torment of the cross. He submitted to the will of his Father. Christ submitted and I may also submit to this hard providence. I have found rest in submission and trust in the goodness of the Father who has promised us bread and not stones.
The third passage was mentioned by a coworker.
John 20:8-9
Then the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand.
I have seen and I believe but I do not understand. I am resting in the mystery of our unfathomable, infinite, creator God. I am trusting in the transcendence of a God whose wisdom is beyond what I may reason with my peanut of a brain. That God does not owe me an explanation for the ways in which he is painting his mural of redemption that I don’t need to understand to rest in the goodness, mercy, and love of our Father God. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
Romans 8:18-25
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Us and the Body of Christ
Bonnie and I have felt the real, tangible love of God through the love of his people. We have been nursed and comforted, cared for and looked after by the body of Christ. God did not leave us an organizational flow chart and a manual on church ministries; he left us people, the church. And I thank God for that. And as we are right with Him we are right with each other and we can love without restraint. Bonnie and I have received your love and we send it back to you. We thank God upon every remembrance of you. Thank you for loving us and helping us feel the love of God.
Tim
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